Posted on 2006.12.22 at 14:37
So today is the last day of teaching for the semester. I don't have to be back until Jan. 3. I wish that I was going on vacation though. I won't even get to see Derek for the holidays. Even worse, he won't get to see me or his family. At least I have my family for the holidays (as crazy as they are). I sent him an X-mas package though, and he got it last night. I sent him a small Christmas tree, decorated with lights and glittery jingle bells. I also sent him homemade fudge, cookies, and a new pair of shoes. My mom added a UM blanket, a stocking full of candy, and a shirt. I hope he likes everything; so far he has only opened the tin of goodies and he has taken out the tree. I miss him.
It is so dreary out today. I guess it fits with my mood the last couple days. I feel really guilty about some things from the past. Julia's family is going through so much right now, especially since the divorce, and her whole family is split up into sides. It's like Julia and her mom against Joe and her dad (and the whore--aka Joe's girlfriend). Joe is just not the guy that I remember. He used to be so caring and nice to his family, and him and Julia were so close. We were all always hanging out together and having fun. It makes me so sad/angry to see him acting the way he is, and I partially blame Brandy, but I mostly blame myself. I just keep asking what would have happened if I would have stayed and stuck it out instead of bailing. Joe was a good guy, and he would've been a good husband. I just think I wasn't ready or something wasn't right. Looking back on it, I don't know what it was or what happened. It's not that I regret moving on, because I needed to be happy, but I just don't know why I was unhappy. Seeing him now hurts me. I was talking to my mom, and she told me that I "ruined him." I can't say I disagree. She also says that he is still in love with me.
Posted on 2006.12.20 at 08:51
Current Location: detroit...in my classroom
Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: The Killers-When you were young (it's stuck in my head)
Is it really almost Christmas???
Posted on 2006.11.28 at 11:20
So I guess a post every couple months isn't too bad. I just always feel too busy/lazy to write, but I think I'll try to update more. I really want to be able to remember what I am feeling at the minute something happens. Once you have lived through something, I don't think you don't remember how you felt exactly at that instant something occured. You only get blurred reflections and the more you go over it, the less you really remember how you felt. Feelings are impaired by replayed thoughts. I also want to remember events and people and places that I have been. So...my goal I guess is to give myself a way to remember me when my mind is too old to do it for me. Kinda sad...
I just got back from Florida on Sunday night. I finally got to see Derek again after 3 months or so. Needless to say, I've been pretty lonely. The vacation was good/bad/too short. I didn't arrive in Tampa until Wednesday night since Derek had to work that day. He picked me up and we went out to eat, which was followed by some much-needed alone time. But the next day, I had to wake up really early to begin cooking Thanksgiving dinner for him and his roommate. It was my first time making a holiday dinner by myself and it was really nice to be able to do it on my own. Everything turned out really good, and the guys enjoyed it (of course, after 6 months of fast food or frozen meals, I think they would have liked it even if it was awful).
So dinner was great, but of course, nothing is perfect. We were scheduled to drive to the Fort Lauderdale area on Friday morning, but the car decided not to start. Lovely. The main reason I went to Florida was to see my cousins wedding. Instead of flying to Ft. Lauderdale with her, I flew to Tampa so I could see Derek and we could drive there together. So, I had to get a rental car. Not awful, but I'm glad I didn't get it online. It is such a ripoff! I saved about $300 by calling the location where I rented my car, as opposed to calling the 800 number or renting online.
To be continued...have to teach class now....
Posted on 2006.10.01 at 00:29
Just when I think I've got everything figured out, along comes another twist in the plot.
Posted on 2006.08.31 at 23:25
Current Mood: content
To any of you who may have seen my psycho-bitch rant earlier before the situation was resolved and I hid the post to my eyes only....
I feel like an idiot. We talked and I feel so much better. I think she does too, although I think both of us feel totally played by someone whos name I won't mention. WTF. At least things are good between us now. I never wanted any of this to happen, but I reacted out of anger when it all blew up. So I think things will be better now. And maybe I can get some sleep.
Posted on 2006.08.25 at 16:06
Current Mood: devious
Current Music: Alice Cooper
Baby if you wanna be my lover, you better take me home, cuz it's a long long way to paradise and I'm still on my own....
Last night I had front row seats at an Alice Cooper concert. It was so much fucking fun. I went with my mom and two of her friends, Suzanne and Jennifer. Jenn showed her tits to the guitar player and I, even though I didn't flash anyone, got an Alice Cooper guitar pick. Jenn said it was meant for her, but I was totally making eye contact with the guitarist the whole time...he probably didn't even notice her tits...but regardless, I got the pick :) Alice Cooper was my mom's first concert ever when she was 13 in 1974, so it was really cool going to this one with her. And now since we saw him together, our next concert will be Marilyn Manson, since he is my version of Alice Cooper. It amazes me how similar my mother and I are.
Today is Derek's 25th B-Day. I wish I could be back down there to celebrate with him. Sex would be nice...Bu I did get to see him a couple weeks ago. We had a blast down there. I went to a the beach almost every day I was there. And next time, we are going to a nude beach, so I'm looking forward to my next trip back. We might also go to the Keys or Miami too, depending on if we feel like taking the drive since he lives by Clearwater.
I just got a job at Chili's as a waitress, fulltime. I don't know how I'm going to juggle a full time job there and a full time teaching job plus masters classes, but I figure I'll manage somehow. I need the money.
My mom lost her job, and we put our house on the market. My mom and I signed all the papers yesterday. It was nice owning a home while it lasted, but we can't afford the mortgage without her working, and she wants to move out of state with her husband anyway. They are moving to either Palm Springs, Cali or Biloxi, Mississippi. I have to stay here for my internship, so I won't be going anywhere. I think I'm moving back in with Tore, my mom's ex-husband.
So I have a lot of shit going on right now. And I have to start cleaning the house right now because we never know when someone will come by to look at it.
Posted on 2006.08.01 at 12:47
Current Music: Chris Isaak
Baby did a bad, bad thing...
Posted on 2006.07.19 at 17:55
Current Mood: working
Well, life is...
Lonely? Funny? Out of control? Awful? Beautiful? Despressing? Wonderful?
As you know (I think?), Derek moved to Florida. The job is going ok, mostly, but any huge move like that is hard. Especially when someone as gorgeous (ha) and loving (ha ha) like me is waiting in Michigan for another year before moving down there. But my vacation is only a few weeks away and I'll get to see him for a whole week...better than nothing.
Since he's been gone, I've been hanging out with my friends back home a lot. I would have anyways since I'm home from school, but I have a lot of evening time that I hate spending alone. However, it may be driving my ex-bf crazy, since his sister is my best friend and his mom loves me. I've been over at his house about everyday for the last two weeks and he has said about 6 words to me, including "hi" and "are you going to eat?" only because I said hi first and he asked his sister the same question. I just wish it didn't have to be this way. It all ended so messy though, that often I don't blame him for hating me. I don't think that he thought I would still be a part of the family after I broke up with him and his sister refused to speak to me for other unmentioned reasons. But...maybe he will get over it and maybe his new girlfriend will too. I'm just glad that I'm still a part of the family.
Thursday is my last day teaching summer school, thank God. It was all I could think of today while I was having a minor breakdown in the hallway. I just have to remember how much I'm getting paid for teaching in this program, and then I feel a little better. That is, until I realize that it's all going back to MSU for my fall tuition.
CCR came to DTE twice, and I missed both shows. Totally lame.
My 22nd birthday is in 9 days. Also totally lame.
I got in a fight with Rachel's moron boyfriend. Even lamer.
Anyways, Just wanted to update and rant a bit. Now it's time for me to grade the papers of 30 monsters. Hope everyone is having a great summer!!
Posted on 2006.06.06 at 12:03
Current Mood: pissed off
Current Music: Hole- Celebrity Skin
Sometimes I hate my f*ing life.
I think I would make a much better princess(queen) or rock star('s wife) or something.
I think that's all right now.
P.S. If you start shit with me, you will go down. Funny thing is, you don't even realize what you've done.
Posted on 2006.05.15 at 02:52
Current Mood: old
So I would have came back from the last leg of my roadtrip today, if I had actually gone. Our girl's week was totally shot to hell. Much to the relief of Nate and Derek, I'm sure. For some reason or another, they just don't seem to trust us, especially when we are together. Wonder why? Haha.
I finally heard back from my mentor teacher that I will be interning with at Renaissance High School. She wants me to go in to meet her in the end of May or beginning of June. I'm nervous, but I'm looking forward to meeting her and getting started.
But there is something bothering me about the whole thing. I just graduated on the 5th and now I'm starting my internship and I'm taking some Master's classes...and now I feel really old. I know, I know...I'm only 21. That's what everyone says. But that doesn't change the fact that I am getting older. The other day I wore a really short skirt that I had no problem wearing last year and I felt really weird. Like I shouldn't be wearing it because I'm getting old.
I don't want to get old!!!
I feel so f'ing old now.